Wednesday, February 22, 2017

P-day 22: Day 160 - "I am trying to place confidence in the fact that the Lord knows His sheep (meaning me) and that He is really in the little details."

This week's letter and chat with Nathanael was hard for me (but I'm so grateful that he is so open with us about what is going on). He's struggling with a companion who's not as excited to work as he is. But at the same time, I think it's been a good experience for him. I've been able to see real growth in him. I was worried that if he had a companion that didn't want to work that Nathanael would feel extra anxiety and maybe some depression because he wasn't living up to his expectations of himself. But I've seen the opposite happening. Throughout all of this, he has turned to the Lord for strength and comfort, and his personal relationship with Heavenly Father has become more personal. He feels His comfort and assurance in a personal way. I'm grateful for situations that make us stronger and better. I'm proud of the growth I see in Nathanael and for the way he is relying on Heavenly Father. Enjoy his letter!


I just wanted to say thanks for your letters first of all. It is always so so good to hear from you both and your letters usually make me cry a little bit (or a lot). It's been a crazy week for me but it sounds like your guys' week was good. Mom I've been bragging about you to the guys in my house and I think it annoys them but oh well. It's all good.

Tomorrow is a leadership meeting in Piracicaba, and everyone was going to leave last night to go there. That would have left me with a brand new American missionary in our area until Tuesday night as the senior companion. I was terrified and prayed a lot that the Lord would somehow let that not happen, but I was working very hard to try to be in a place where I would accept the Lord's will without fear if it were to happen anyway. I truly don't feel confident as the only authority on the language here in Brazil yet. I can survive and teach, but lead out in everything...? I don't know. But anyway last night for some reason the division fell through, at least until tonight. It's looking like the division is going to happen still and I'm terrified but I'm saying the same prayer, haha. If it happens, it means I'll be ok. If not, then it's not what I need right now. I'll be sure to let you guys know how that goes!

The time changed on Saturday night and so we are only 4 hours apart now. Right now as I write this it's 11:46. There, it's 7:46. I told everyone this in the house and mentioned the new job and everything, and said that I'd have to get to the LAN house by 10ish to be able to talk to both of you guys. Everyone was cool about it but then this morning everyone was super slow (I was the first one ready if you can believe it) and we didn't make it until about 11:20 or so. When I asked if we could hurry up a little bit (and I asked nicely I promise) they made fun of me for wanting to talk to you guys. Craziness!! I was so frustrated and sad, because I was really really wanting to talk to you guys. When I read your letter Mom and you mentioned today is president's day I cried, because that means we can talk. The Lord is really blessing me with a lot of tender mercies. I woke up really stressed today and when I said my morning prayer I just felt this feeling of peace, like everything is totally ok, and I just need to trust the Lord on this roller coaster. I've had a lot of really comforting impressions this week. My favorite was on Saturday (I think), when I was walking home and I felt like my soul got filled up. I felt the words in my mind and heart, "you are going to be ok." It was a very gentle and very firm impression that I still feel. I am trying to place confidence in the fact that the Lord knows His sheep (meaning me) and that He is really in the little details. 

I said it's been a crazy week at the beginning but really it's been a crazy transfer. The other 3 elders have really been the focal point for me. They have chewed me up and spit me out if that makes any sense. I feel battered and bruised emotionally (and physically! I'm joking more or less) but I've made it this far ok. And I think I've learned a thing or two. We can talk more soon but that's the general idea. I wish I had more stories about the work but like I said it's been a rough week. Just know the Lord is watching over me very carefully.

I love you guys. Can't wait to talk to you soon.
Elder Sederholm

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